How Can I Practice Living Amends?

Those boundaries are really, really key and the most compassionate thing that you can do. He’s actually becoming a therapist, to the extent of my knowledge because I hold a no-contact boundary. living amends I’m not saying this to be like, “Oh, we should take it easy on addicts,” because I don’t think we should or anything like that. I’m just saying deep inside they are wanting to do these things.

If money is tight, discuss with your sponsor other possible methods of compensation and how to better manage your finances in recovery. One example could be to help the person with errands and chores around their house. As a person works the steps of recovery, they begin to discover—or perhaps remind themselves—who they want to be. Part of this process is recognizing the harm they may have caused during active addiction and making amends to those they hurt. Someone telling you not to feel guilty rarely cures guilt. Self-forgiveness can be a long and complicated process.

What does living amends mean?

Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently. Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible. In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery. If you’re familiar with substance use recovery and 12-step programs, the idea of “living amends” might ring a bell. When you cannot directly make up for something to the person you hurt, a living amends is a decision to change your ongoing behavior in a way that is informed by the wrongdoing. Your ‘living amends’ is living in a way that that acknowledges the previous mistake by consistently living in a way that doesn’t repeat it or compensates for it.

No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others or making living amends. In addiction, our actions and intentions aren’t aligned.

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The 12-Step amends approach can be constructive for you and the other party. This is particularly true if you’ve been out of contact or have reason to question whether it is appropriate to make your desired amends. Someone liked enough by mere contact with you may be best served by no additional contact.

Unfortunately, there are many things that we do in our using that we can not rectify with tangible goods or direct amends. What about the late nights that we kept our parents up worrying? What about the relationships we ruined, the emotional wreckage we created?

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For example, if you had an affair for three years during active addiction, visiting your ex to fess up and say you’re sorry isn’t going to help them; it’s going to hurt them. Are you taking the step to clear your conscience at the https://ecosoberhouse.com/ expense of another person? If so, then you should avoid approaching that individual. Person in long -term sobriety may make a commitment to their own recovery but get pulled away from their plan due to lack of financial resources.

As it says in step 9, make amends to someone only if it will not injure them or others. Some amends are best played out as a commitment to yourself, not to engage in the same behavior that caused the wrongdoing. Make amends when you are confident in your sobriety and ready to face the reality that is the impact your bad behaviors have caused. The amends process can be an emotional one, as you are having to admit your fault to various people you have harmed in the past. Despite being difficult, the amends process is exceptionally powerful, rewarding, and a truly moving experience. If you have lived, there is no doubt that you have amends to make.